Let’s review the not really rules that a rookie broke that broke the Sox briefly sorta.
So to recap, in case you’re reading this from San Diego or have an enjoyable case of memory loss, Yermin Mercedes swung away against Twins Catcher/Utility guy Willians Astudillo on a 3-0 count in a blowout win and launched a homer as a result. The ensuing debate has players backing Yermin, TLR taking him to task, and Yermin declaring that he, truthfully, can only be Yermin. And as fans and analysts, the opinions have been divided to both sides and hopefully have not resulted in violence, though it may have been a minor part of the protests at Mayor Lightfoot’s house.
Let’s look at the unwritten rules and try and give them some written direction, and maybe write some new unwritten rules that will need to be erased then?
Here’s ones we know are out there, starting with two that are the basis of the Mercedes issue:
- Do not swing on a 3–0 count when your team is comfortably ahead – Good Rule? Yes, in that a pitcher, a real pitcher, will generally throw a pitch on 3-0 that focuses on re-orienting their mechanics to get back to the strike zone, and is often done using a fastball grip thrown with less mustard, making it an easy target. Being a good sport, the batter lets the guy get himself righted with essentially a warmup pitch, and doesn’t inflate the guy’s ERA off said non-competitive pitch. Should it always apply? NO. Look, in a blowout if there’s a starter or reliever out there eating it, or if the mop-up AAAA/fringe guy from the bullpen who is clinging to his roster spot is on the mound, swinging 3-0 to add a pile-on dinger is screwing with the guy’s livelihood. But if it is a position player goofing around chucking eephus after eephus, you should swing because the guy’s career is at his actual position and he’s out there chucking for chuckles. Besides, that 3-0 swing on a non-pitcher is in service of this rule:
2. Do not work the count if your team is winning or losing by a significant amount – Good Rule? Yes, the game is in hand, go up there and swing and get things moving along. If you get a hit, you get a hit, but don’t take anything close and prolong the pain for all involved. Should it always apply? YES. For the good of the fans and all involved, because blowouts are long games and after a while they start to drag on even for the winning side. Also, screw your OBP, let’s try and raise that OPS and go for the long ball. ‘Tis sexier than a walk.
3. Do not spend your time admiring a home run you hit/don’t overly celebrate the homer – Good Rule? Yes. This is the “good sport” rule. Basically, don’t throw your success in your opponent’s face, and be a good winner. Should it always apply? Only in context. A meaningless tater in a blowout is probably not the time to go for a huge batflip and to stand there watching the grandeur. That’s just rubbing it in. But in a tight game, a huge moment? Hell yeah, celebrate that and ask the crowd ‘are you not entertained?’ and admire the majesty of your handiwork. After all, if the pitcher strikes you out in that situation, they’ll scream and appear to have a decent orgasm walking off the mound. But be reasonable, give the bat flip, watch the ball, scream, just do so on the move.
4. Do not steal bases if your team is ahead by a significant amount – Good Rule? Yes. This is kind of a practical one, because guys get hurt and the steal is trying to advance to scoring position when scoring hasn’t been an issue. Should it always apply? Yes, it is one thing to go to the plate in a lopsided affair still looking to add to your BA and OPS, but steals in a blowout is selfish stat padding. Besides, if you break a finger or jam your shoulder and are out 4-6 weeks as a result, that’s just stupidity.
5. Do not bunt to break up a no-hitter – Good Rule? In theory, yes? It should be easier to hold the bat out with both hands and use it to guide the ball to an empty patch of grass than it is to swing and hit a moving object. In 2011 Bill James showed that overall, that average on bunt hit attempts was .438, over .700 on the third base line. A BABIP that high would be insane overall. So going for the bunt is a cheap move. Should it always apply? Well…bunting for a hit is really a lost art these days. There were 383 bunt hits in 2019 out of 42,039 hits total (0.9%). Ten years earlier, in 2009, 550 bunt hits out of 43,524 (1.26%). Partying likes it’s 1999, 576 bunt hits out of 45,327 (1.27%). In 1989? 605 bunt hits out of 36,293 total hits. 1.67%. 1979? No one was keeping track. Anyway, in the near future bunting for a hit will be a rare skill, and what with the spin rates, velocity and movement these days it’ll be a well-earned hit if you can lay it down. Also, 6 no-hitters this year already and it isn’t even June? It’s becoming a lot less special.
6. Do not swing at the first pitch of the at-bat if the pitcher has allowed back-to-back home runs – Good Rule? Meh. It seems more condescending than sportsmanlike. “Here, you suck right now, let me give you one to think you don’t suck”. Should it always apply? No. Maybe if you’re on the upside of a blowout you take one. Maybe you take one because that’s your routine. But if this is the chance to put the game away, the pitcher should simply do better.
7. Do not rub the spot where you were hit by a pitch – Good Rule? Sure, tough guy. Whatever. Should it always apply? No. Guys throw over 100 for too often these days and a simple exam is warranted to make sure there’s no blood and/or you don’t have a hole in you.
8. Do not walk in front of a catcher or umpire when walking to the batter’s box – Good Rule? Yes. This actually could be a written rule. Between batters, catchers are calling out signals and the umps are watching the clock, the scoreboard, and probably making sure the pitcher isn’t putting vagisil on the ball. Walking in front of that isn’t cool. Plus, if they’re tossing a new ball into the pitcher and you walk in front of that, you’ll get one in the ear. Should it always apply? Yes.
9. Do not run across the pitching mound on the way back to the dugout. – Good Rule? Yes. The mound is pretty tailored to the pitchers plant and landing spots, and now they have ads on the back. Screwing with that is pretty unnecessary and the equivalent of a pitcher messing with the batter’s box. Should it always apply? Yes.
10. Do not stand on the dirt near home plate when the pitcher is warming up. – Good Rule? Sure. Especially because he could throw at you and just say he’s not warmed up. Should it always apply? I think it is actually enforced.
11. Do not assist a member of the opposing team. – Good Rule? No. Think about the collision between Hunter Dozier and Jose Abreu. Sure, the Sox infield is more worried about their teammate and friend, but Dozier was messed up too and helping him is not only good sportsmanship but actual good human behavior in that scenario. Should it always apply? No. A guy gets hurt, you knock him over, help the dude. I mean flex over him and wag your finger Dikembe Mutombo style first, but then lend a hand.
12. Do not speak to a pitcher who is in the process of throwing a no-hitter/don’t talk about a no-hitter. – Good Rule? Superstition more than a rule. If the pitcher wants to talk, it might be more fun to ignore him. It is tradition after all. But broadcasters and fans? That’s like trading Dylan Cease off a fantasy baseball team just before his breakout because you believe that you’re bad luck for any favorite player in fantasy sports. Umm…it probably has no relation to the game if you break the superstition…probably. Should it always apply? Yes. Probably. Don’t flick off the universe.
13. A pitcher who is removed from the game in the middle of an inning must stay in the dugout until the end of the inning – Good Rule? No. I mean, stick around and cheer your guys on. But if your back teeth are floating or you have taco gas, get things done. Or if you need a minute to get pissed off, do it in private. Should it always apply? No.
14. A pitcher should not indicate displeasure if one of his fielders commits an error – Good Rule? Yes. They don’t show displeasure at your crappy pitches. Don’t be a prima donna. Should it always apply? Probably not. There are some errors that are so bad it’ll be hard to hold it in, and if you’ve committed more than two errors in the game everyone should be indicating displeasure.
15. Don’t make the first or last out at third – Good Rule? Yes. It is pretty easy to score from second on a base hit and and if you’re on second with no outs, the odds are in your favor. As far as making the third out, that seems related to not making a stupid out to end the inning so don’t do that. Should it always apply? Seems like the smart thing to do.
16. Don’t yell at an opposing player to distract them. – Good Rule? Yes. That’s playground B.S. Should it always apply? I feel somehow that Anthony Rizzo gets away with it, but otherwise yes.
17. CF/SS gets priority over flyballs. – Good Rule? Yes. It’s like chess pieces in a way, OF gets priority over IF, but CF is over RF/LF and SS is over any numbered baseman. Catchers are armored. This avoids collisions and injuries. Should it always apply? Yes. In the case of Luis Robert and Eloy Jimenez in particular.
18. Kids get the foul balls and homers. – Good Rule? Yes. Should it always apply? Yes.
So the rules that are based on sportsmanship, really there should be game and moment-specific context. Yermin Mercedes didn’t show up Willians Astudillo, the guy was going to waft eephus in the general direction of the plate regardless of count. Also, waft eephus? Eephuses? Eephii? I think “waft eephus” needs to be used in more conversations.
Some of the rules are fading, some are more practical or just baseball smart, and some really come back to common decency. The overall rule seems to be “don’t kick a guy when he’s down” and don’t be a jerk.
On that thought, here’s some new and improved unwritten rules, that, uhhh, are now written:
- Only throw at a guy if he calls you out on the field, online or in his presser. A bat flip or fist pump or scream or admiring a shot is just a celebration for the fans, unless they direct it at the pitcher.
- If a position player is pitching, there are no unwritten rules. Seriously, that’s playtime.
- No more beanballs for emotional hurts. Oh, a guy showed you up? Next out he makes the whole team screams like they just won game 7. Next at bat he gets mocking walkup music. Be creative.
- If the teams need to fight, it happens after the last out of the 5th inning. Any later in the game and fans need to pee, get their last food and drink, etc. Any earlier and the game peaked too soon.
- All fights end with a Stone Cold Stunner or RKO (nee Diamond Cutter). I’d accept a solid DDT. Like pro wrestling, the team can call the match on the field.
- The 5-second rule. You can watch a ball fly for 5 seconds before going into the trot. You get to hold a tag for 5 seconds after the safe call. You get to sit on a guy for 5 seconds after a collision. And pitchers get 5 seconds to celebrate getting out of an inning or a save.
- Every team gets one guy that can mess with the other side because he’s totally a good dude really. Rizzo, Miguel Cabrera, Sean Casey, Jim Thome, uhhh…ok your first baseman is exempt I guess.
- In a blowout, if a guy is hitting .200 or under on the season, give him one to hit. Maybe even just for fantasy baseball purposes.
- No shifts in a blowout either.
- No comments on unwritten rule violations once the next game starts. Even if there’s retaliation.
DON’T FORGET TO BUY YOUR SOX IN THE BASEMENT APPAREL!
Nudity is fun, but in public this stuff is a good alternative:
"Mismatched Sox - The Extra Sox in the Basement" 